Back To It

Well...I know it was an inevitable change, but I am having a hard time being back at work. The "working" part isn't the hard part. Last Friday (..the 13th..how ironic) was my first day back. I was fortunate enough to have seven months off to stay home with Claire. Not to seem like a glutton, but I just didn't feel ready to go back quite yet.

I have a great job where I get to teach cheeky, happy, elementary kids. Being a Phy Ed teacher is great (for many reasons) because kids usually LOVE your class and are happy to be there. My students made me feel very welcomed my first day back. I received many cards, pictures and hugs and they all told me how much they missed me. This made me feel great, but it still did not mask where my heart was. The truth is, I would have loved to be able to stay home for at least a year with Claire and Ella, and I was completely heart-broken when I had to return to work.

I am trying to focus on all of the positives about my situation...
1. Seven months at home is a lot better than 4 months, which is what I would have had if I wouldn't have been granted an extended maternity leave.
2. I get to back to a job that I really enjoy.
3. Not only do a love my students, but I have awesome co-workers who are some of my best friends.
4. Pretty soon it will be Thanksgiving break, and then a few weeks after that, it was be Christmas break.
5. I get the summers off, so I will be able to be at home full-time 3 months out of every year
6. I have a great day-care lady who is caring and LOVES babies, so I know she is getting taken care of.
7. It is really great to be in the same building as Jocie - - and next year, Ella will be there :)

I know there are many reasons why I should not be sad (and trust me, everybody insists on telling me I have no reason to be sad because of these reasons), but the fact of the matter is, I AM. Everybody keeps telling me that it will get better, and pretty soon, I will be in a "routine" and everything will be fine. But I don't think I will ever be at complete peace with it. Claire and I are pretty inseparable and I want it to stay that way :)

Speaking of Claire, she is now seven months old. She is still very smiley and lovable. She has been rolling over for quite awhile, but still has no interest in crawling. She LOVES watching her sisters and laughs at them quite often. She has learned how to clap and also how to wave "hi" and "bye". She also really enjoys eating and likes almost everything that we have given her. She likes sweet potatoes, carrots, rice cereal, applesauce, bananas, and pears. She will eat peas, but is not a big fan of them. I read in one of those "mommy" books that babies like anything tangy, and that pickles are great to give babies who are teething. This sounded strange to me...but we tried it, and.....

she LOVES them!! :) She is also getting pretty vocal. She says "mamma mamma" all the time (mostly if she is tired, crabby or hungry), but sometimes she just says it if she sees me, which melts my heart. She has also said "pup" and "ebba"..which we think means Ella! She most recently started saying "da da da", which made Carl very happy. Joc is getting pretty impatient since she hasn't said anything that sounds like Joc, but she always has a BIG smile and a wave when she sees her Jocie.

When I was at home, I also had the great opportunity of spending a lot more time focusing on Ella. During Claire's naps, I made a special effort to give Ella some undivided attention, which is hard to come by for the middle child (trust me, I know). I spent quite a bit of time doing pre-school activities with her. As a teacher, I was impressed with how fast she learned, as a mom, I was pretty proud of how hard she worked. We also spent a lot of time playing Barbies and jumping on the trampoline. I will miss that extra time with her. Although she likes Missy's she had a hard week going back everyday.

Even though I sound pretty down, I am faithful that we will get through this emotional time together as a family. I know Claire will flourish at daycare, just like her two wonderful big sisters have in the past. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, so there must be some reason why I am supposed to be at work (other than financial). It's just hard right now for me. Would it be easy for you to leave this face at daycare?? :)